After TWO salt water soakings (see the worm coming out)

After only trying to prepare Morel Mushrooms twice I decided they are too Forking dirty for me to ever eat.

After first draining

A year or so back I had the same exact Forking exsperience I just had this week with Forking Morel Mushrooms. I saw little worms coming out after I washed them. It bothered me.  Not too long after that Chef, TV Personality and Cook Book Author Sara Moulton was accepting Food Related Questions via a Morning Show and I asked her about how do you clean all the worms and stuff out of Morel Mushrooms. Chef Sara said you have to cut them in half and clean them out to see what ‘s in there.  She also said they are so dirty but also are so tasty you just gotta eat them. The Forking Truth!  Not too much latter the Twitter Emeril Lagasse ( I don’t think it really is him and maybe is a paid employee???  Don’t Know!) was taking food related questions and I asked him, how do you clean Morel Mushrooms and he said, “With a Mushroom Brush”.  The Forking Truth!

I decided maybe I just just got some Forking bad ones from AJ’s? I saw some nice looking Morel Mushrooms at the Farmer’s Market and decided to give them another try.

They looked nice but after a day in my Fridg.

I see worms all around the bag. I still try to soak the morels in salt water like you are suppose to do for a day.  A few hours latter they looked like this.

I saw these little white things. Not sure if they are Maggots?

I rinsed them out and then saw another worm coming out and my stomach turned.

I just have to say NO to Morel Mushrooms because they are too FORKING  dirty for me to eat!

Forking Truth

5-9-14 Ted Allen via Twitter was taking food questions so I asked him my question.

I found my question to Chef Sara Moulton.

I also found my question to Emeril.

6-4-14

Emeril was taking questions at @RED so I asked him my question again.

92% Approval on Urbanspoon

I ‘ve come to the conclusion that you have to take online restaurant reviews with a grain of salt sometimes Forking Truck Loads of Salt.

Forking Truck Load of Salt

I decided to try this one restaurant that had great reviews on three Forking review sites. On Urbanspoon they had a 92% approval rating.  On Yelp they rate at 4 stars.

Yelp 4 Star Average

On Tripadvisor this same place has a 4.5 Rating out of 5.

Tripadvisor 4.5

I will tell you I first went to this Forking restaurant for lunch.  My husband started with Minestrone Soup. The soup was very thin and burnt tasting with decomposing vegetables in it. The soup also lacked beans and pasta and was very Forking disappointing to say the least. Then our salads arrived. The Greens seemed fresh but were just Iceberg that was topped with vegetables that came from a can or a bottle served with bottle tasting dressing and dry chicken.

A few years went by and this place still has very good reviews and also was featured in our local paper so we decided to Forking try them for dinner hoping they were better for Forking dinner.

The dinner menu was made of mostly Chicken Dishes so I thought Dinner Chicken should be good. I soon received a generous amount of almost solid as rock dry almost Forking tasteless naked pale chicken covered in a thin, oily next to tasteless sauce served with nicely cooked pasta in that same dreadful sauce.

The dinner came with Garlic Toast that just tasted like Cooking Oil with maybe some butter and some dry almost tasteless herbs sprinkled on.

Not Worth a Fork

Here’s to these online reviews.

I understand a place can have a bad day or do some dishes better than others but there is no way that this place should have the FORKING reviews I read and I know for a fact that this isn’t the only example of this sort of thing.

Forking Truth

I just had another exsperience reading really great reviews for a little fast/casual Hawaiian Style Eatery in Phoenix.

4.5 Star Average

Honest to GOD the food we tried was mostly inedible. Most of the  food seemed old and like BAD leftovers I do note Leftovers can be good but what I got here seemed pasted it’s prime.  The fried Foods squirted out cold not good tasting oil. The house made potato salad tasted awful but the macaroni salad tasted even worst. I think it was really old because the mayo in it sort of broke down to oil and paste.  Neither the  Potato Salad or the Macaroni Salad seemed to have even just salt or pepper in them and were overly bland.  A few things were edible but were just OK. I was starving so I ate some.

I ate about 1/3 of meal

This food was not 4.5 stars.

Forking Truth

Taco Haus Scottsdale AZ

Chicken is pretty Forking easy to prepare. I think if you pay money to eat Chicken Out that it should be prepared reasonable well.  The Taco Pictured above was made with Chicken that was so Forking dry I almost Forking choked. I am certain nobody ever told the cook here that you cook chicken so well you should open a Forking restaurant.

Times Square Family Restaurant Phoenix AZ

The Above Picture also was made with very Dry and  next to Tasteless Sad Chicken.

Not Worth a Fork

The above food was not worth a Fork.

For God’s Sake just buy a Forking SousVide Machine.

Any Forking Idiot can prepare Perfect Chicken easy in a SousVide.

The Chicken comes out Moist and falling off the bone and infused with Concentrated Flavors.

You have to either Brown the chicken or remove the skin.

Or Forking teach your Cooks To Cook Chicken in a Fry Pan.

I think Restaurants shouldn’t get licensed until they pass a Food Forking tasting test and Chicken 101 is key to passing. There is no excuse to be served Dry not Worth a FORKing Chicken.

Forking Truth

I’m not a Pig and I don’t need a massive Forking Trough to feed on when I go out and pay for a meal. I do prefer quality over quantity but sometimes restaurants forget you have to actually feed someone  and not just prepare a beautiful plate thats Forking pretty to look at.

Seared Tuna Nicoise ($16.) from The Local, PHX AZ

I read wonderful reviews for a new restaurant that opened up in Phoenix so I wanted to try it for lunch.  I thought a $16.00 salad should be pretty nice. I did receive a pretty salad but didn’t even get enough food to feed a dieter.  I’m not a Forking Pig Woman but honestly I was thinking of hitting Costco for Forking food samples after this lunch. None of the reviews I read described this place as a Tapas House nor did my server suggest ordering two Forking plates for lunch. I guess he couldn’t or I’d leave because most people wouldn’t order two lunches at those prices at this place. The food was good but not like Forking Mind Blowing Great!

Right now I’m just thinking……. What The Fork did they do with that other half of egg? I paid for it and could have used it. The menu said I’d get an egg not a Forking half egg.

I had to bit my own cheek at the waiter telling me I did a good job at finishing all that food on the Forking plate.

Just for fun……I should have told him I was too Forking full for dessert.

Forking Truth

1/4 lb of Frozen Truffles

If a quarter pound of good FROZEN  (not fresh BUT FROZEN) truffles coast a FORKING $500.00 do you really think your $20.00 bottle of truffle oil is any FORKING good? Do you think it’s really made of Forking truffles?

Most Truffle Oils are not actually made from truffles and are Forking SYNTHETIC CHEMICALS that are also called Aroma because they are similar to  FORKING perfume.

You can find oils and salts that have a trace amounts of truffle in them.

But they don’t compare to real Truffle. They are only just a slight hint of truffle.

Truffle oil (if it’s a really FORKING good (($$$$)) one goes well with potatoes(Fries), Eggs, Rice, Popcorn, Bread and Pasta.

But it can never be what real Truffles are.

Often if you get a real truffle it would be either old and dry or a variety that isn’t  desirable like from China or the U.S.A. Truffle. Desirable kinds are like Australian, French or Italian. Expect to pay $20-$75 additional charge to your meal for real FORKING truffle to be shaved on.

I’m not totally against my Trace amount Truffle Salt and Trace amount Truffle Oil after all they make my Fresh just Popped Popcorn taste slightly special.

Fresh 2 min. no chemicals Popped Pop Corn

Recipe

One Brown Lunch Bag

1/4 C. Pop Corn (hint the big kernels taste and pop better)

Place Brown Bag with your 1/4 C. pop corn kernels with top rolled close. Place in microwave and let it go for up to two minutes. Add whatever spice seasoning you like and spring for butter if you care to.

Forking Truth