I never have seen a forking automated gelato machine before.  It’s very hard to find TASTY gelato where I live. I do have the option of purchasing forking not so good gelato from my local supermarket or traveling about a forking forty minutes to a good gelato shop so this gelato machine wetted my appetite for a delicious refreshing gelato.

I looked at the machine and saw it takes credit cards or cash and offers gelato in twelve forking flavors of mostly gelato and a couple of frozen fruit confections. I picked banana cheese cake gelato because that sounded interesting and I didn’t want to get disappointed with a flavor I know and love. I thought the gelato would squirt out of a forking hose I saw. But no then a door opened up and I saw lots of little four ounce tubs of gelato.

The hose lowered itself.

And then lifts up my forking gelato.

Then drops it down and I pick it up from a door.

The gelato is packed with a little wooden spoon and the gelato is hard as a forking rock so I walk around the mall with it for a bit until my hand hurt similar to frost bite.

By banana cheese cake flavor did have a creamy banana taste and little chunks of store bought like cheese cake in it. Not the worst and not the best gelato as it was ok. My husband’s pistachio was less creamy and had an abundance of almonds in it and was way more almond than forking pistachio. I think a forking quarter of a cup of almonds were in his tiny cup. Maybe it was an off batch.

Worth a try if your at Arrowhead Mall in AZ. Although this gelato might not win any prizes for being the best it also not the worst out there either. The Forking Truth is that I’ve paid much more than the $3.75  for worst.

The Forking Truth

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

After tasting some of the desserts I’ve tried fairly recently around where I live I truly believe that people don’t know WTFork a Good Baked Item should taste like.

No……. I’m not talking forking fancy smancy high end Las Vegas Desserts like the ones below.

Jean Philippe Aria Las Vegas NV.

I talking good baked goods and desserts that just about everyone loves like  pies, cookies, bagels, cream puffs, cakes and breads. Desserts that are free of non-dairy whipped cream and artificial flavorings. Desserts that aren’t made with fillings from a can or package. Honest to goodness real desserts that are made with butter, fresh eggs and cream. I’m also talking real breads. Crusty, flavorful breads. Real breads that you look forward to eat.

When I was growing up it seemed every neighborhood had at least one bakery. No matter what kind of bakery I went in to Italian, Jewish or German……… where I grew up…… during that time you could always count on something fresh baked and scrumptious. The bakeries had this great aroma that I still remember. The aroma of fresh baked goods was so good your belly would forking hurt if you didn’t eat something.

Real bakeries were also very noisy places.

You hear lots of machinery. Heavy duty mixers, the cash register, the conversations of customers.  You’d always hear the mechanic loud thundering roar of maybe several different bread slicing machines going-

Bread Slicers looked something like this

slicing fresh loves of crusty breads for customers that were waiting in the long line. In those days even the forking malls all had bakeries. They weren’t the same as the free standing bakeries but looking back a whole heck of a lot better than some of what I see today sometimes. In those old days you’d make the weekly trip to the bakery to purchase bread and a few treats. Once in a while you might order a cake for a special occasion. Children were always given a few complimentary cookies and if a child was lucky their parent let them pick out a special yummy treat. In those days people cared about quality. You could partake in enjoying natural ingredients like real butter, eggs and real cream in your fresh baked goods no matter what bakery you walked into. The whole bakery smelled like sugar and spice. If you worked in a bakery you left smelling like a donut. (I know because I did)

Time has marched on and things are different now. Life styles have changed. People are busier than ever and are always on the go working more hours. Doing more things.

Many people are also more health conscience too, they are working out and are not eating desserts or breads like they used too.

So weekly trips to the bakery are made by less people these days. They are not a priority these days. Fewer more limited new bakeries do pop up every once in a while and also many of the old bakeries have shuttered since the neighborhood  bakery for most people is a relic of the past.

People these days often settle for convenience and pick up something processed and cheaper from their local supermarket.

Typical baked item from any local supermarket

Something created with man made chemicals that sort of looks like dessert. Something that can sit on a shelf for a long time. Something that anybody can whip up possibly even made by the guy pictured below

by only adding a few ingredients, mixing it (with something clean one hopes) and baking it in a timed oven….DING!. Just add some pudding from a can or a mix and some non-dairy cream and Woop there it is. Many people actually think this sort of dessert taste good and this is what dessert actually is because that is what they are used too.

It just forking KILLS ME that a few local bakeries in my area put out baked goods that are on par with the level of supermarket bakeries.

Lemon Bar from Baker Wee Glendale AZ

Recently I thought I’d try a baked treat from a bakery I was passing by on the way home from some place. The bakery offered me a rugula while I was deciding on what I’d try. I thought the rugula was pretty good and thought whatever I tried would be ok because after all it was from a bakery. I love lemon bars because of the lemony filling, the tasty crumbs and they usually have a buttery tender crust. I love the play between tangy, sweet and savory, so I picked a lemon bar thinking it would be just right. I dug into the lemony curd first. It had this unnatural flavor like low quality lemonade. It also lacked the creamy, silky mouthfeel of natural lemon curd that’s rich and carefully made. Instead this lemon filling was sort of Jell-o like. I don’t think a human created it. Perhaps something demonic?  I think the yellow goo was made in a laboratory and stored in a can till it got sold to this bakery.

The top crumbs were edible but not delicious and buttery. The bottom crust was as thick as a life raft

and hard like cement.

God this lemon bar was terrible I thought I was going to cough up a forking brick from the few bites I ate. It was so bad I can never step in this bakery again.

Another bakery not too far from out of my way is an Italian Bakery.

I thought they’d make an OK Italian Rum Cake that I wanted to give someone for a gift. I thought the cake looked ok and this bakery just like the last one I spoke about gets very high reviews on a certain review website. This cake purchase goes a half year back so I don’t remember every detail about the cake but I do remember the filling most because it was very unnatural tasting so much so it was memorable. I remember the filling was what made eating the cake next to impossible. The filling tasted like they dumped in a whole bottle of forking rum extract into the filling. Rum extract not forking real rum……..rum extract.  I don’t recall the rest of the cake being very tasty but I can tell you the filling made it a lost cause.  I felt terrible when I tasted this cake, sorry and embarrassed that I gave it to someone.

I also purchased what they called Italian bread from this bakery and I kid you not. The bread tasted like squishy unnatural white bread from the forking supermarket. I can never go back to that bakery either. Eating baked goods from those bakeries was just like purchasing a baked good from the supermarket or from the dollar store. They were just very unappetizing. It forking saddens me and confuses me. I have no understanding on why you’d open a bakery if you aren’t baking scrumptious decadent treats?

It appears that these bakeries have enough business. Both have been in business for years and both have great reviews on a certain review website. Maybe it’s all because people don’t know what the fork Good Baked goods should taste like.

The Forking Truth

Popo’s Fiesta Del Sol Glendale AZ

A chile Relleno is usually but not always a stuffed Poblano Pepper. It is usually stuffed with cheese but can also be stuffed with meat and might come with a sauce. Somethings it’s fried and sometimes it isn’t.

Below is a picture of a typical Chile Relleno.

Often a Chile Relleno might look like this inside.

Below is a Central Mexican Style Chile Relleno.

Los Sombreros Scottsdale AZ

Here’s what the Chile Relleno I recently had looked like inside.

Popo’s Fiesta Del Sol Glendale AZ

It was a green chile stuffed with white mild cheese that was topped with egg whites that were covered in green chile sauce and LOTS of cheddar cheese. It truly might not be the worst one out there but it tasted terrible to me. That heavy cheese and not so tasty sauce really KILLED the delicate fluffy egg whites. It was like putting a shag rug over your down blanket. Inside was a mild green chile that was kind of hard in texture and also had no color at all from being cooked. My forking stomach just locked up and I couldn’t eat anymore of it.

This is the First Chile Relleno I didn’t forking like.

The Forking Truth

Costco the American membership only warehouse is the third largest retailer in the United States in 2015.

Costco offers big forking savings on car tires, dry goods, certain groceries, big forking bottles of booze, various services and more.

Costco also offers free food demos where some people graze and other forking people call lunch.

Recently this Californian Man Derrick Gharabighi (true picture that’s the forking guy!)

allegedly punched a 78 year old man in the face because the man asked Mr. Gharabighi not to take so many Nutella topped waffles.

The miscreant has a long list of arrest on his record already and might face 11 years in prison. At Costco the Free Samples might come with a price.

The Forking Truth